Life Is An Ad-Venture

It’s been a while since my last blog entry, and I have to say, things are quite different since then. I’m venturing out everywhere – hiking the hills around and beyond this beautiful piece of property, and I am amazed at how quickly I’ve adapted to the silence and the wilderness. The birds are singing their spring is here song! The daffodils are blooming and the buds on the aspens are opening. I can’t wait to see them shimmy in the sunlight. The moose haven’t shown up at my door for days – no doubt headed to higher ground now that the weather is warmer - but the deer are everywhere in the early evening and not too skittish. Chipmunks and squirrels scamper here and there foraging for food. Even the ants are busy rebuilding after a long cold winter.

I once read that there are thousands of life forms in a single scoop of soil. I can see that now. As I spend more time in nature, my respect for everything and everyone increases. We are so interconnected and interdependent. To see the life cycle in action is thrilling.

It’s hard to go to the grocery store now without thinking about where all this stuff comes from. The effort that goes into preparing the soil, planting the seed, harvesting the crops, processing the food, taking it to market. I am grateful to the animals who have made the ultimate sacrifice so that I might enjoy a meal.

Sometimes we don’t even know what we will get when we prepare the soil. Being here, stepping outside the familiar, has been like a soft voice that has been calling to me for years, hoping I would pay attention. I don’t know what awaits me as a result of this detour, but I am certain I am headed in the right direction. Doing what I love connects me deeper and deeper to a world that is right for me.

Other than email and my incessant ranting to Roxy, sometimes I go for days without speaking. It’s quite comfortable now. I enjoy being with just me. The guilt is gone. The need for a routine has vanished. The fear that had haunted me for a while has dissipated. I don’t require entertaining. And even though I miss the energy of certain people, I am quite content to be by myself. Of course that could be because I’m not really alone and this is temporary. But I’ve settled into the solitude and know that I will miss it when it is gone. To be able to do what I want, when I want. What a luxury!

Can you imagine? Eating and sleeping when you are hungry or tired rather than on a schedule. Working when it inspires you. Exercising when your body has the urge. Taking a walk or baking or painting or writing or reading or just exploring outside when the mood strikes you. And the best part is I actually get a lot done. I don’t think I do any less work with this kind of loosely defined structure. I’m quite productive. And enormously inspired. I spoke with a client yesterday and can’t wait to work on the new projects we discussed. Work is fun again! I think I'm giving telecommuting a whole new meaning…

That feeling that never used to leave me of having endless to do lists and never getting caught up has vanished. That stressful rush rush rushing about to complete this or that on deadline, the whole measurement of time thing is gone, and a weight has lifted. Sometimes I have to think hard to remember what day it is. Saturday is not necessarily a day off and Monday is not necessarily a work day.

This has shown me that there actually is quite a lot of time in the day. And that choosing a life is made up of lots of tiny choices every moment of every day. How did I get here? Steve Jobs once spoke to the graduating class of Stanford University about “connecting the dots” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1R-jKKp3NA (please watch this!). And how when we look back on life, it all makes sense, but it is difficult to see the benefit of certain experiences, especially painful experiences, while we are going through them. Disappointments have a purpose. And we must trust in this and have faith while we navigate life’s challenges.

“Choose carefully,” my sister Cathy once advised me. “Your decisions will be felt for years to come.” Did I even know that I was laying the groundwork for a lifetime when I chose things like life partner, career, place to live? How many of these things did I do unconsciously, or even worse, how many did I do carelessly? I can think of more than a few…Do I have regrets? Some. But I am not taking those with me anymore. I am simply learning, letting go, and moving on.

My eyes are wide open now. There is no more time to waste. I will make time and space to continue this journey once I am back to living in a more “normal” situation. I will be still. I will not hold back out of fear. I will treasure my obligations. I will make space for the things I enjoy. I will spend time with those I love. I will listen to my heart and trust my instincts. I will venture out in nature to ensure that I am paying attention. And I will be more confident in my decisions.

I am reminded of Tim McGraw’s song “Live Like You Were Dying”. Every day brings us one step closer to death. So we might as well live as though it’s our last. Once you really feel that in your bones, decisions are easy. Having all this open time and space has certainly shown me life’s boundaries. Venture out!